The Anatomy of Change.

This morning, I heard myself ask our big boy a question that stayed with me all day:

"If we can't love him at his best and his worst, who will?" 

The bigs and I were having a sobering conversation about the little man before he woke up. He's been challenging everyone's patience over the last few weeks; selective listening, impulsively hitting or scratching, and being unpleasant company in general. It's especially frustrating to me because he can seem perfectly sensible when calm, but once he sees red, all reason flies out the door. My patience finally flew out the door yesterday and I lost my patience with him. 

Past experience and reflection are good friends. I remember our big boy going through a similar stage when he was that age. Papa also pointed out that our little man seems to be a bit of a black sheep at the moment because no one really wants to play with him. For good reason, given his behaviour, but it certainly can't make him feel good. 

The husband and I set a course for a fresh approach and spoke to the older children this morning. Our new path entails accepting the current developmental stage he's at and understanding that it will pass. It involves holding him accountable for hurtful behaviour, but also seeing the little person behind the behaviour. It also means reminding ourselves that as family, we need to love each other, for the good and the bad.

It has been a good first day. I saw the bigs, especially our big boy, purposefully including the little man in group huddles and play. I also saw more effort put into communicating with each other. There was less yelling, more clarifying and explaining. I found myself calmer and more patient too, knowing the children and I were on the same page. There were way fewer fights to break up. 

"Best buddies," they said of each other. At the trampoline park today. 

Interestingly, I saw the little man respond in kind. He has no knowledge of what we're doing. He was still angsty at times but he also seemed calmer than usual and spent more time playing than fighting.

Of course, this is just day 1 and I'm sure tougher days lie ahead. Our resolve to love will be tested but with some grace we will grow in love together.

Liggy sent me this yesterday, before all this conversation happened. It was very timely, and made for powerful reflection. 

With grace, this will be an imperfect parenting moment that becomes a gift.